Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
