Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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