omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
