i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dear god my vagina.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
