It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
