you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
