You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
