A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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