walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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