did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
