No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
