No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
