Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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