You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
