At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
