Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
