That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Two words: blizzard sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
