I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
