we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Plan B is the new Plan A
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
