I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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