Duck Duck Cougar?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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