I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
