I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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