just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
