forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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