Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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