Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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