I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
