My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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