My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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