I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
