I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
