Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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