I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
