well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
