i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
