He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
