Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
