That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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