Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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