Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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