whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
