Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
