You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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