Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
