i need an iv and a liver transplant
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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