Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
