please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
