i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
