I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
