Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
