I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
