The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
