I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
