and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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