My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
