someone threw a dead crab at me
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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