Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
