didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
