Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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