If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize