if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You are a genius and a whore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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