I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
