The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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