if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
