I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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