why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
