OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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