wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
