i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
