he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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