Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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