You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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