The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
