nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
