they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
