I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
